


Always wanted you to feel my heart

by YunaDragneel



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Emotional, Fluff, M/M, Shocking to hear the words Andrew and emotions in one fic huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 15:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13033830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaDragneel/pseuds/YunaDragneel
Summary: Normally South Carolina wasn’t as cold in the winter, but climate change was a bitch and so it began to snow heavily. It was cold in the dorms as the heating was faulty and the athletes were doomed to freeze.





	Always wanted you to feel my heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Idnis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idnis/gifts).



> So! This is a small gift to Idnis because she's wonderful and she wrote a super well done Harry Potter AU for our beloved boys. I wanted to do something good for her so I told her to give me a prompt and I'd write! So here I am with a small fluffy piece of winter stuff!

Neil woke up, facing Andrew who seemed hellbent on seeming asleep, there was a certain discomfort to the curve of his brows, which had Neil move away from him. Hazel eyes shot open, glaring at him.

“Staring?” Neil offered quietly, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, a move that hadn’t went unnoticed by Andrew, as his eyes darted to Neil’s lips, then back to his eyes. “Do you want me to leave?” It was a soft suggestion, but Andrew clenched his fist.

“No. Come closer.” Curious Neil shifted towards him, stopping an inch away. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.” As soon as Neil said it, Andrew impossibly moved closer, tangling his legs with Neil’s and putting his arm over Neil’s middle. Neil didn’t dare to move, not knowing if it would make Andrew back off again. Andrew’s forehead thunked against Neil’s collarbone and his breath tickled on the skin which was still visible by his shirt.

“Stop it.” Neil all but melted into the mattress, carefully and slowly in order to give Andrew time to adjust, which earned him a light growl when Andrew caught on.

“Can I put my arm on yours?” Neil asked after a few moments of quiet.

“Yes.” Andrew waited as Neil moved his arm to accommodate himself. It wasn't the first time and certainly not the last time that Andrew wanted the close proximity to Neil. Though it had a practical use this time around. Andrew felt cold and he wanted to sap some warmth off Neil.

“Yes or no?” Neil didn't dare to raise his voice above a whisper, feeling this softness as something fragile even though it wasn't.

“Yes.” It took a bit, probably Neil trying to figure out what it was he asked for and Andrew would give him the time. He waited it out until Neil moved his head down, kissing the top of Andrew’s head. It was nothing more than a gentle press of his lips, light but so full of affection, Andrew thought the softness could crush him. It made his fingers clench in unwanted violence because that was his standard response. He smothered the destruction deep inside him, taking control and letting the softness in.

Bee had told him once that the violent response ingrained in his mind would cease if he willed it to. It would take years upon years but in the quiet Andrew could admit he _wanted_ it to be earlier. Neil might not know - Andrew might never tell - but the soft touches, the willingness to work with what’s been given, they were important to Andrew.

He returned the softness with a gentle press of his lips to Neil’s collarbone. Andrew willed it to be full of adoration, not aggression and it seemed to work. He felt Neil smile.

“Shut up Junkie. Go back to sleep.” He ground out the words, they weren't sweet, they weren't soft. They were harsh but Neil knew how to interpret them correctly. Andrew trusted him.

“Okay. You sleep well too Andrew.” Neil didn't move away but kept his face buried in Andrew's hair.

Andrew never thought he would be able to sleep tangled up with Neil. He was wrong. It had never been easier to drift off into the safety of sleep, wrapped in Neil’s warmth.

▪

They started awake at the sound of Kevin’s muffled screaming from the living room. Neil disentangled himself from Andrew and practically jumped out of the bed to race into the living room, Andrew hot on his heels, knives drawn to fend off whatever was attacking him.

In the living room nothing was out of the ordinary, aside from Kevin lying facedown on the couch, sniffling.

“Kevin? Are you alright?” Neil walked over to him, putting his hand on Kevin’s shoulder in a comforting gesture, Andrew scanned the room.

“Fucking look outside,” Kevin pushed himself up, pointing a glare towards Neil and then Andrew, who looked unimpressed and wandered off back into their room. Neil sighed; his heart was hammering in his chest from the adrenaline. He tiptoed towards the window and his breath seemed to stop for a moment. It was snowing heavily outside. He could barely see a few feet ahead of him. “We’re almost snowed in and Coach cancelled practice. We don’t even have to go to to any of our lessons.”

Neil didn't know what overcame him but he said: “Well. One day without practice won’t kill us you know. Besides, it’s warm inside.” Kevin looked at Neil as if he were the scum of the earth. “What?”

“Put your hand on the heater you idiot.” Neil did as he was told and-

“ _Oh_.”

“Yeah, oh.” Kevin bristled when the cold seeped through his clothes.

“I mean… it’s not that bad? It’ll be up and running soon enough. Besides you could grab someone and cuddle, body-heat is relatively effective.” Though Kevin looked like he was about to punch Neil, his fist already poised to strike, when Andrew appeared at Neil’s side.

He was wearing a bright orange hoodie with a fox paw on his stomach and the name “Josten" on his back. His sweatpants were a little too long and bunched at his feet, from underneath some fluffy socks poked out. Ones that Andrew shouldn't possess. Neil squinted for a moment.

“Is there a problem Kevin?” Andrew’s voice was cool, threatening but it was the least threatening he ever looked with the baggy clothes.

“Tell your resident punching bag to shut his mouth.” There was a certain glint to Andrew’s eyes. One that Neil correctly knew to interpret would mean one of two things: either now was the time to make Kevin cry or to piss him off. Maybe both.

“Hey, Neil. Do you want me to shut your mouth?” Kevin eyed them suspiciously.

“Yes.” Neil smiled as Andrew pulled him down for a kiss. Kevin squawked indignantly, which turned into a pout when Andrew raised his middle finger in his direction. For Kevin it was worse that Andrew side-eyed him through it all.

“I’ll go and spend my time with the rest,” Kevin huffed and turned away, stomping out of the suite. He was obviously fuming judging by the trembling of his shoulders.

“That was quick,” Neil muttered when Andrew released him. “I expected him to go on his triade of how I shouldn't be seen in a homosexual relationship.”

“I would have castrated him if he started.” Andrew waited for a moment. “And he knows he should keep his mouth shut.” He seemed to think for a little more. “I'm cold.”

“Yeah about that… I meant to ask why you're wearing my clothes but I don’t think I want to ask.” Neil smiled a little. “Does it sound strange if I say I like you in my clothes?” Andrew stared at him unimpressed, then flicked his forehead.

“Junkie.”

“Do you think I could go for a run?” Neil instantly regretted his words when they were out of his mouth. The slight shift in Andrew’s expression didn't go unnoticed and Neil awkwardly rubbed his neck. “It could be colder.”

“I am this close to murdering you.” Andrew stepped so close he was just an inch away from Neil. “This close.”

“Well who would provide you with warmth if you did? I doubt you’d want to cuddle with Kevin.”

“113% Josten.” With that he turned and stalked over to the couch, throwing himself onto it and grabbing a blanket to wrap himself in. Andrew pointedly looked at the seat in front of his feet and then to Neil.

“What do I do with you…” Neil stalked over towards Andrew, letting himself fall into the cushions. A hand on his shoulder let Neil know _someone_ was displeased and he looked over at Andrew, eyebrows raised in a silent _what_.

“Yes or no?” Andrew’s hand didn't leave his shoulder.

“Yes?” Neil let himself be manhandled to lay between Andrew’s legs, his back to Andrew’s stomach and the back of his head to his chest. “You’re awfully affectionate today…”

“114%.” And a tug on his hair warned Neil that he was treading on thin ice. A stupid metaphor considering the outside weather.

“Are you at least feeling warm?” Andrew hated how concerned Neil sounded. It sent his heart racing in ways he’d never imagined. He tugged on Neil’s hair again.

“I'm _fine_.” The way Neil flinched, stopped Andrew’s fingers in his hair. “Neil.”

“Is this really okay? Am I moving too much?” Oh, _oh_.

“Neil that wasn't what I meant. _This_ is okay. I don’t… feel crowded or uncomfortable.” It still took visible effort for Andrew to come clean with his emotions. But according to Bee he had made progress. He could tell which emotions he felt. Most of them were thanks to a certain Exy-Junkie. “I was trying to make some kind of joke but it wasn’t right and I see that.” He carded his fingers through Neil's hair, scratching his scalp gently.

“Okay. Thank you for being honest with me.” Andrew's heart clenched painfully at Neil’s words. He wanted to squash this feeling on instinct but it would feel unfair to Neil.

“115%.” The words were at odds with how Andrew leaned down to press a kiss into Neil’s hair. He lingered a little not quite ready to lose the contact.

“I never thought I’d get this far,” Neil whispered, awe coloring his voice in a bright tone. “To me it’s such a miracle that I could have… this. A family, and first and foremost you.”

“You’re thinking too hard today, Junkie.”

“Maybe so.” Andrew grabbed for the remote and turned the TV on, turning down the volume so they could hear enough but yet at the same time they wouldn't be interrupted when they talked.

▪

Around noon Neil got restless. Rational thought told Andrew that Neil needed his daily run, like an itch he couldn’t scratch, but yet doubt wormed its way into Andrew’s mind, making him want to cling to Neil a little longer. Ever since Baltimore a little less than a year back he wanted Neil in his line of sight even more. A voice lingering in the back of his head telling him that Neil would run away if he looked away. That he wouldn’t stay for his Foxes, for Andrew. It was childish, Andrew knew, Neil made a stand and he stayed. He wouldn’t run. But... His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door, which then opened to reveal Renee, with a pleasant smile when she saw the two of them.

“Hello you two,” she greeted and stepped into the suite, a blanket wrapped tightly around her, “The others were wondering if you were hungry. We were about to draw lots who gets to walk outside and get the food, since driving is near impossible today.”

“I’ll go and get the food,” Neil volunteered, “I can get something for Andrew and myself that way too.” Andrew’s fingers clenching in Neil’s hair was an involuntary reaction and Andrew hated how Neil looked up at him, the unspoken _Are you okay?_ clear in his eyes.

“What are we having?” Andrew asked, his monotone voice not giving any emotion away.

“We were thinking chinese,” Renee replied from near the door, “That is, if you’re okay with it.”

“I’ll go and get dressed.” Neil got up, the space he occupied felt too empty for Andrew’s liking. The cold seeped in almost immediately and Andrew shivered. Renee sat down on the other end of the couch, content to wait in the silence until Neil emerged from the room, dressed in a thick hoodie. He stopped at the couch, giving Andrew a soft smile. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Neil leaned down to give Andrew a quick peck, then straightened back up.

“I’ll be back in an hour at most,” he said, “I have my phone charged and with me should you need anything.” From the coat he procured his phone, showing it to Andrew as a proof.

“The others have a list of what they want,” Renee piped up, giving Neil a little wave.

“Okay, see you.” Then he walked out and the door fell shut behind him.

Andrew and Renee sat in the quiet for a few moments, waiting if the other would talk first. Normally Andrew won by a landslide but he had little patience this time around.

“The others might come looking for you.” Andrew stared her down, his face a perfect blank mask. But Renee smiled at him still.

“I took care of that. I told them I wanted to spend a bit of time here. I have never been to your suite after all.”

“Oh Renee, if that’s the game you’re going to play you best walk out of here.” She held her hands up in a placating gesture and Andrew knew she would get to the point.

“I was wondering because Kevin said you and Neil were unbearable. Which,” she paused for a moment to fix Andrew with a serene smile, “is unusual because you’re normally more reserved. You don't have to tell me if you’d rather tell Betsy, but maybe I can help you?”

“No.” He wasn't going to talk about his _feelings_ with Renee. Yet he still felt the need to talk, which _was_ unusual. Calling Bee felt unnecessary when Renee was already offering and she might understand it more than Bee.

She seemed to have come to the same conclusion as Andrew, her smile turning a little smug when she figured out what his expression meant.

“I don’t want him out of my sight.” It was an admission and at the same time he felt like he was giving her ammunition to tear him down. He trusted she wouldn't. “Since Baltimore I get… _restless_ \- for the lack of a better word - when Neil isn’t near. I know there is no threat to his health aside from stickball. That doesn't make it better.” Her look darkened considerably and Andrew knew his words would be safe with her.

“And you can’t shadow him every day,” she concluded, “since it doesn't feel fair.” Andrew didn't reply, which was as good as an answer to her. “Have you talked to him about this?” He stared blankly. “Do you want me to talk with him when he comes back?”

“Too impersonal.” He dismissed the idea entirely. Renee looked at him, a slight tilt to her head indicating that she was thinking.

“What keeps you from talking to him?”

“The fact that I know he will promise something he will undo before anything happens.” He thought back to the busride before the game against the Bearcats in New York. And how his last words to Neil would have been that he shouldn't come crying when someone broke his face. The next thing which doubled as the worst moment was _thank you, you were amazing_ and the panic that followed close after. “On the day he was taken he made me undo my promise to protect him.” Renee’s eyes widened a little, she hadn’t known.

“I see. So you feel like you can’t trust his words when he says he’ll stay out of trouble?” Andrew tried to find the words against her thinly veiled accusation, but he found that if he said it, it would end up being a lie. Andrew hated lying. So he said nothing. “Do you want my opinion? Talk to him about this. He needs to know.” Renee stood up, smiled at Andrew and it was so frustratingly _nice_ that he wanted to wipe it off her face and punch her. He refrained. “I’ll go back to the others, we’ll leave you alone again when Neil returns.”

She was orchestrating something, Andrew just knew it.

▪

Neil returned within the promised hour, cheeks flushed from the cold and his teeth chattering. He removed his coat, dragging himself to the couch with the take out. It seemed he’d stopped by the others first to stay with Andrew then.

“Here,” he offered the container and a fork to Andrew, who took the offered items. And Neil leaned back against the other arm of the couch, propped up by his fluffiest pillows and the soft orange blanket he loved. He began eating, seemingly getting warmer.

Andrew considered him. Renee’s words echoed in his mind, _Talk to him about this. He needs to know._ Listlessly, he poked around the container with his fork, stuffing a little bit of food into his mouth every so often. Neil was done with his take out quickly, put the container on the coffee table to remove later and burrowed himself under the blanket. If Andrew dared to think it, he found Neil _cute_ like this.

“Andrew?” Neil sounded a little hesitant, which was unusual but not uncommon. Andrew looked at him. “You know that I won't leave without saying anything right?”

“Mhm.” Andrew hummed noncommittal, he said the next words without any malice, but it felt like he was stabbing Neil with them. “You’ll disappear after a _Thank you, you were amazing_.”

Neil deflated a little. “It’s been on your mind hasn’t it? Baltimore. The whole last year...”

“Yes.” It was honest admission and it felt loaded with emotions he couldn't name.

“I won’t run anymore, Andrew. I promised you,” he sounded certain.

“You made me take back my promise before you were taken.” He paused to let it sink in. “I said you shouldn't come crying to me if someone broke your face.” He didn't believe in regret or guilt, but this felt very close to it. “And they did.”

“It was out of your control, Andrew. You didn't know.”

“No, I didn't. That made it worse.” Neil’s eyes widened slightly. Andrew wasn't sure if it was due to him being able to read Andrew’s open expression or the words sinking in.

“You’re worried it will happen again.” There was no question so Andrew didn't need to answer. “What can we do?”

“That’s the point. I don't know,” the admission felt like acid in his throat. “I can't keep you in my line of sight. You want to fight your battles alone, I respect it.” He took another bite of his food. “I’ll graduate a year before you do and I will be away from here.” He didn't like to think about a future. There had always been the possibility of it never happening, and Andrew had had enough disappointments in his life. But it was different with Neil.

“I know but that's still three years ahead of us. Hey, Andrew.” He waited until he had his attention. “I told you I wouldn't lie anymore, and I mean it. We’ll see in three years where life takes us, and we’ll plan more then.”

“Okay.” It would get easier, Andrew figured. The wounds of Baltimore, the sudden abundance of feelings, it rubbed Andrew’s nerves raw. But around Neil it felt easier to heal.

“Can I lay with you again?” Neil’s voice was quiet, his expression brightened when Andrew nodded. Neil scooted back into the position he had occupied before his errand run. Andrew’s hands returned to Neil’s hair, gently rubbing at his scalp.

They continued watching whatever was on TV, content with each other’s silence.

▪

The evening announced itself through Kevin’s return, Neil and Andrew hadn’t changed their seating arrangement when Kevin entered, so he just sighed and sat down on the couch, propping himself up on the pillows Neil had occupied earlier.

“What mind-numbing thing have you been watching? You should watch some Exy.” He reached for the remote, but Neil placed his foot on Kevin’s arm and pushed it down on the couch, landing Kevin in an awkward half-lay.

“Not today Kevin,” Neil grumbled. As much as he loved the idea, he didn't want to accommodate Kevin and leave Andrew out. And before Exy there would always be Andrew.

“Get off my hand,” Kevin grabbed Neil’s leg, but Neil propped his second leg on Kevin’s other hand to keep him there.

“If you promise to not change the channel, I’ll consider.”

“Okay, okay fine.” Kevin’s grip went slack and Neil removed his legs from Kevin’s arms in triumph, pulling them back under the blanket. Andrew approximated something like a snort, his grip in Neil’s hair tightening momentarily.

Neil wouldn't say it but he relished the contact with Andrew he’d shared today, even though he was sure it pushed his boundaries to the limit. He could also see Kevin fuming across from him, the tense set to his shoulders and the obsessive clench of his left hand. Maybe a day off would do him good as well. Realize not everything had to be about Exy to be good.

“Tomorrow you and I will train, no matter the weather outside, you hear me?” Kevin grumbled in French.

“Kevin.” Andrew said his name in warning, his eyes a challenge daring to say something more.

“Hey, I know I’m popular but there’s no need to fight over me,” Neil tried to poke fun at the growing tension in English. “Kevin we’ll get sick if we train in a stadium that’s _ice cold_. We’ll be out for at least a week then. One or two days of being snowed in won’t hurt.” Kevin seemed to be pacified by that and leaned back against the pillows.

“Why do all the pillows and blankets around here have to be so soft?” The star striker asked, glancing at Neil.

“The soft things don’t rub against my scars.” He played with the blanket he was wrapped in, feeling it with his scarred hands. “They don't get itchy that way.” Kevin rubbed a pillow against his left arm, trying to think how any other material would feel.

“He has a point,” Andrew agreed, still running his fingers through Neil’s hair.

“I can see, yeah.” Kevin fell quiet after that, his hand pressed into the pillow for one reason or another. It was quiet afterwards. They continued to watch in silence whatever show was on TV.

▪

Neil had showered quickly, the water had been ice cold due to the heating being out of commission. He was lying in bed, waiting for Andrew to come back from his quick shower. He didn't have to wait long for Andrew to climb into the bed, and Neil shivered slightly.

Once under the mass of blankets, Andrew unceremoniously pushed his feet towards Neil, earning him a hiss.

“Andrew- fuck. You’re _cold_ ,” he reasoned.

“And?” Andrew kept looking at Neil, his face so carefully blank. “I’m always cold.” Neil’s eyes softened.

“Do you want to sleep like we did in the morning? Or did you have enough contact for the day?”

Andrew found it infuriating how Neil took so much care to not overstep the boundaries he had set. Infuriating but he was undoubtedly grateful.

“I want your warmth,” he stated matter-of-factly, “Yes or no?”

“Yes, Andrew.” They accommodated each other again how they had slept in the morning.

“116% Neil.”

“I know. You hate me, right?” Andrew could hear Neil’s smile but he didn't feel the words right.

“It’s the opposite.” He let it sink in for a moment. “Now go to sleep, Junkie.” Andrew pretended not to hear how Neil’s heart sped up, how he took shaky breaths.

“You sleep well too.” Neil kissed the top of his head, full of affection and Andrew pretended it didn't affect him. But it did. He thought Bee would be proud of him. First and foremost though, Andrew felt a little glimmer of pride himself. He would be able to heal in time and Neil would be with him every step of the way.

He was looking forward to a future he never thought he could have.


End file.
